Monday, 24 December 2012

My Addiction.

*whew* How y'all beautiful souls doing.  Lots of stuffs I got going but actually nothing...

After the stressful exam, twitter world got the best of me and talking about Twitter, I can't help but think I got a love life with it... Its funny right? Hahahahaha!

Looking at it critically, I wonder if Twitter is a distraction to the lonely life I got going on. Much as I enjoy it out there, I can't help but ask myself whether I'm taking it to a whole new level.

Much as I can tell, I got my behind all week in bed... I got soo many friends wanting to spend more time with me but thing is, I'd rather be looking into the damn phone than be listening to em... And I end up being an asshole.
How's your hols going?

Saturday, 2 June 2012

I'm like a man's wallet, fat enough to keep your attention.

"I would give everything to have the perfect slim arms!" "I'd kill so I ain't got any stretch mark anywhere on my body" "ohh, I'll pay a whole lot to have that Mercy Johnson's body" and so forth.
Sometimes you catch yourself telling your girlfriends these. And they just laugh at you.
Truth is, no matter how high your confidence level is, you're still human and a woman at that.

Sometimes its soo hard to believe any man would just love you with all the flaws you got going on!
Mercy Johnson's body? Hot! But I'd rather have fat arms than have her face! Ohh yes! I said it!
So, you see, everyone's imperfectly perfect.
I once saw the the most beautiful girl and I started wailing " ohhh sweet Jesus! Where did I go wrong? I'm soo going to have a talk with your Father, my God. " and then, she opened her mouth to talk; are you shitting me? Her dentition is sooo ugly that I couldn't help but laugh really hard! Ok, Dear Lord, I take back my words.

But hey! Someone out here on God's earth will love the imperfect you perfectly no matter how hard it seems...
And hell! How dare em judge you! Not like you had a choice to choose differently!
No? Can anyone remind me what happened during creation? Huh? You weren't there? Hell, yea...

You might not be the beauty queen, but trust me when I say, some part of you are pretty awesome!
So, don't settle for anything less than what you deserve!

Yes, even though I got this imperfect body going on for me, I got everything I need to keep your attention.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

KINDNESS IS NOT WEAKNESS

Saw this piece on Fb and decided to share it with y'all!
When she was a kid, her Mum liked to make food for dinner every now & then & one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, her Mum placed a plate of bread jam and extremely burned biscuits in front of her dad. She remembered waiting to see if anyone noticed!
Yet all her dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at Mum and ask her how my day was at school.
She didn't remember what she told him that night, but she did remember hearing Mum apologise to dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said:"Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your mama put in a long hard day at work today and she's really tired.
And besides... A burnt biscuit never hurt anyone but harsh words do!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things... And imperfect people.
I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
So...please pass me a biscuit.
And yes, the burnt one will do just fine!
And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life...and me too if I just did!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets...
Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't. ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRY DATE

SURVIVING SPILTVIllE BETWEEN YOU AND MR WONDERFUL

So you’ve been dumped... So fucking what??!!(FYI Xmas  and valentine periods are always a good time for jerks to breakup with you) It's not the end of the world, honey!!

Before you go hitting the repeat button on Adele and any heartbreaking song, put down that ice cream spoon and find out how you can get through this difficult time, and over that low-life, smelly jerk who didn't have the decency to let YOU be the one to toss HIM to the curb. We still reserve the first choice to toss em to the curb!! Hehehehe!

Trust me, you can graduate from obsessively reading every comment left on his Facebook wall to only reading the ones left by pretty girls! You CAN do it.

Men today can get the deed done with a pseudo-heartfelt email or even by – yes! – text. Gentlemen looking for a way out of relationship while using the least amount of the contents of their nutsacks can do it via a status update or by simply ignoring your texts and calls. (Men, ladies LOVE this tactic.)
Men many opt for the silent treatment that allow you to go away by yourself without having to say anything...

But no matter how the hand-woven-with-love rug that was your relationship is being pulled out from beneath you, it’s important to spring into action right away.
From all breakups women suffer, I've found that you can't survive it without your friends – it doesn’t matter how you do it, but you MUST reach out to every girlfriend you have. Get your sympathy Army ready.
The word “asshole” should be typed all the way in a mass text.

Your girls will make you feel better in no time while they help you rip apart that jerk’s every flaw and tell you how you deserve better. They’re right. You do. What a jerk for breaking up with you, even if you did cheat on him with his friend.. Asshole. Lol!

I remembered when a girlfriend was dumped after a 5year relationship, putting up with the jerk, she ran to me and we composed a never-ending text to him... Using all the F-words! Crashing all the concerts and parties he attended, flirting with his friends!

Now, getting support from your friends is great, but there will come the time when their answers to your texts come slower and slower as their boyfriends show up and they snuggle down in front of Grey’s Anatomy, giggling while eating...

When this time comes, you’ll be tempted to weep and binge eat, overcome by the sudden quiet. DON’T! Before you open that refrigerator door, remember that instead of filling the emptiness growing within you with food, you can do it with alcohol and chocolates!
Pour yourself a drink, sexy. You deserve it. You’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through so much, don’t even think twice about emptying that bottle of wine or the bottle after that or the one after that. There, there!

Talk bout the ultimate step to take: GO OUT!
Change out of the sweatpants, wash and make a beautiful hairstyle, put on something sexy and entirely too small for your body and get out of that wine-bottle-filled apartment!

You’re not going to meet a man to distract you from Mr. Jerkface while hibernating.
While getting ready to go out, remember it’s important to begin rebuilding your confidence by documenting every step of the getting-ready process via taking mirror shots of yourself and planting em on every social-networking platform you belong to.
Don’t forget! Making a duck face is crucial to your recovery.

Trust me, its always a battle of the exes and who survives it!
Show that jerkface the awesomeness that's in you!(he's secretly still going through your tweets and photo album on Facebook)

You’re single now, chica! Single and mingling! You don’t need a man to validate you. Now is the time to let everyone know. You should be given plenty of opportunities while out on the town to boisterously celebrate your singledom. Whether you’re at a concert, comedy show or club, someone will ask the room, “Any single ladies here?” This is your moment.
Celebrate your newfound solitude with the loudest, shrillest “Woo!” you can muster.

While you're out dancing and partying hard, flirt as much as possible to validate you still got it in you!!!

Thursday, 8 December 2011

The Thin Line Between Professionals And Professional Girlfriends

This is one topic I've avoided writing bout because of its sensitivity.( whattttttt?!! Sensitivity?!! Bitch please!!)

I actually took a dare to write bout this... Had a heated argument on Facebook with some friends complaining about how Nigerian women uses Facebook as an avenue to solicit money from so called friends...

One of em told me the experience he had when he invited a gurl over and after the whole banging, fucking and sucking( actually the man admitted he enjoyed the sex and the gurl was hot) she demanded a specific amount of money refusing to take what the man was offering...
According to him, it caused some bitter rift between em when he asked her if she was a prostitute! ( OMGable! WTF?! For fucksakes! And to think she did a 4hr trip for your ungrateful ass?!! Please!!)

I couldn't stop asking myself the difference between a professional and a professional girlfriend...

In a fast changing world where men want women to evolve with their emotions, pick up a woman from the club, have sex and never call her again! How do you think women can handle that shit except make you pay for it?!
While I'm not a good judge of character, I noticed not all men are that insensitive, so in order to satisfy their conscience, they try to make friends with females they like, propose to be a lover and help the em financially. No commitment and everybody's happy.

While I'm not justifying prostitution as a Career, I couldn't help wondering what women actually think bout this...
I brought up the topic and trust me it was unending...

Women are emotional time bombs and so find it less frustrating to have sex with unavailable men.
To others, the money will help em in getting through life.

In my viewpoint, while the men are cool with unemotional sexual pleasures, women found out a way to cool off their emotions: sex for money!

Totally my viewpoint: you're not paying for the sex but for the emotional clingy thing that comes with having sex with a woman!

Before you throw the first stone, to what length would you go to have sex with a woman you find attractive? If she got what you want, you also got what she wants!

You'll want a non-committed sexcapades with a dependent single woman but will cringe when she ask for money?!! Please!!

Since men would never make up their mind for a 'one woman at a time' affair, the thin line between professionals and professional girlfriends will definitely get thinner.

Friday, 4 November 2011

SIX INCHER OR SIX FIGURE √ČARNER

Its always some good times when the girls come together cause someone always got some juicy stuffs to spill! ( I don't go easy on the men.)

One of the girls went on bout how she met a six incher ( I sure hope you're not asking what that is; ok! A man packing
enough down below the belt ie a six inches Dick!) and how he was proud to show off and wouldn't mind her taking
a pic to show the girls... Ohhh and he was soooo good with it she didn't want to leave...

I always feel jealous when someone is having some good sex and I'm not! So I asked the ultimate question: which would you rather have; a six incher or a six figure earner? ( trust me she didn't find it funny I had to end a perfect conversation of her good sex to start one of my arguments). Everyone went wild and the argument started. Just as vodka kept decreasing in the bottle so did the C word and D word keep flying around.

I couldn't get it off my head as my girlfriends left...
Just like men use a scale of 1-10 to measure a woman's attractiveness, so it seems women have now come to have their own measuring tape so to say to weed out the average guy from the George Cloonenies ( personally I got this thing for George Clooney... Don't judge me) and we refer to this scale as the SIX SIXES
You think its shallow? Trust me ur woman is judging u based on that! But here is one of women's secret: if ure a seven figure earner, u can makeup for a lack in the other departments... ( ahhhh this woman like money ooooo)

To an Independent woman, she would always want the six sixes;

A six inches tall man: all women always want a taller man cause according to my girlfriends it gives a sense of security ( I wonder if that includes catching a grenade for me). Just like men like girls with big boobs cause they find it attractive so do women find a taller guy attractive.( and to think that I'm petite! I need me some tall dude! No puns intended to my average sweethearts)

A six figure earner: even though it isn't much, it sure beats a five figure! This isn't bout the material things but I think no matter how women equals to men, when all is said and done, money equals power and masculinity. A man who earns a lot of money can easily take care of his family and to his woman, that is way too sexy.

A six pack abs: In a country where we recognize a six or seven figure earner by his potty belly, its definitely a tall order to ask for a six pack man. I recently had an argument on Facebook bout this and a man complained how we women never seem to be satisfied. But the truth is every woman desire a six pack man. While I don't really fancy skinny guys, I love my men in good shape so he can work it and get it! Lol!

In a scale of 1-6; I would want a guy who has stayed
6 months since his last relationship. You think I'm insane and wonder if a guy can stay 6months before his next relationship? I know what I'm saying. I don't want to be your rebound girl. Any girl who is looking for a keeper will sure need a guy who is emotionally available and not be a quick fix to his broken heart. I almost did the mistake of dating a guy who had a broken heart. Fortunately for me, the ex called in his absence and I committed the cardinal sin of answering his cell. He came back and got all pissed at me for picking up! Seriously dude?! Wow! I then realized he's not yet over her. No woman wants to be the rebound girl.

In a scale of 1-6 most women would prefer a man with a six inches below the belt. ( I'm not the one talking here but my G-spot certainly is) This sometimes can be nervous for men or builds their confidence if they got it... To be fair, not all women need a guy with a big Dick but those women are generally not highly sexual. A longer Dick makes it easier to hit the G-spot and easier to reach orgasm with the right position. A wider Dick causes more friction which enhances pleasure. So if you're not packing
Down below, make sure you got those oral and fingering skills...

A friend was complaining to me how the fiancée wouldn't want to make love to him again... When I asked her, she got offended and spilled he got a tiny Dick! Ewww! ( she sure spoiled my appetite that evening and I couldn't get the thought out of my head.) When I asked him bout his Dick, he got embarrassed and retorted whether she has ever considered the fact that her vagina is too wide! Awwwww! ( I always hate the part where I'm the middle woman)

All I'm saying is if I ever get a six incher and at least six figure earner, I'm definitely saying a big amen to that and he is certainly hitting it, I mean all of it!

Friday, 28 October 2011

Is monogamy too much to ask for in a relationship.

This is one particular topic that has caused lotta frictions in relationships. While I aint dishing out advice or whatever, I'm just bi-curious (jeez! Get a hold on yourself gurl!)

Shayla (original name withheld for privacy reasons) my girlfriend came back from visiting her boyfriend and been complaining bitterly bout how he suggested a threesome in their sex life. She cant take it... Isn't she enough for him? Was the question she threw at me... And whether I would do that for any man... caught in the crossfire, I just stared at her till she hit me...

Ok! I really hate to bust her bubbles but living in an adventurous world, men have really made threesomes or whatever "somes" are available the new sexual frontiers.
Now almost every man wants to see his girl kiss another girl or she watch while he makes out with another girl...

Well I can sincerely say its sooo much fun because it involves fantasies, allowing yourself to really come out.

Sorry ladies but the bottom line is men wants us to man up bout our emotional feelings and just go with it... While it sure can bring excitements into the relationship, it can be some pain in the ass.
Had an experience where my man wanted a threesome and I prepped myself to be the star guest (I still laugh hard weneva I remember this) but everyone had their agenda... He totally forgot I was there.. Hahahaha! Which eventually ended the relationship.

Before I could enjoy any threesomes, I would be emotionally detached. I dunnooo if it comes with the fact I'm a female and it has been genetically encoded inside me.... Bottom line is no woman can enjoy threesomes with whoever they're emotionally involved with.

So if you're not sexually expressive and accommodating,trust me.. they aint for you and ohh yes! Monogamy now comes with a price tag.