So you’ve been dumped... So fucking what??!!(FYI Xmas and valentine periods are always a good time for jerks to breakup with you) It's not the end of the world, honey!!
Before you go hitting the repeat button on Adele and any heartbreaking song, put down that ice cream spoon and find out how you can get through this difficult time, and over that low-life, smelly jerk who didn't have the decency to let YOU be the one to toss HIM to the curb. We still reserve the first choice to toss em to the curb!! Hehehehe!
Trust me, you can graduate from obsessively reading every comment left on his Facebook wall to only reading the ones left by pretty girls! You CAN do it.
Men today can get the deed done with a pseudo-heartfelt email or even by – yes! – text. Gentlemen looking for a way out of relationship while using the least amount of the contents of their nutsacks can do it via a status update or by simply ignoring your texts and calls. (Men, ladies LOVE this tactic.)
Men many opt for the silent treatment that allow you to go away by yourself without having to say anything...
But no matter how the hand-woven-with-love rug that was your relationship is being pulled out from beneath you, it’s important to spring into action right away.
From all breakups women suffer, I've found that you can't survive it without your friends – it doesn’t matter how you do it, but you MUST reach out to every girlfriend you have. Get your sympathy Army ready.
The word “asshole” should be typed all the way in a mass text.
Your girls will make you feel better in no time while they help you rip apart that jerk’s every flaw and tell you how you deserve better. They’re right. You do. What a jerk for breaking up with you, even if you did cheat on him with his friend.. Asshole. Lol!
I remembered when a girlfriend was dumped after a 5year relationship, putting up with the jerk, she ran to me and we composed a never-ending text to him... Using all the F-words! Crashing all the concerts and parties he attended, flirting with his friends!
Now, getting support from your friends is great, but there will come the time when their answers to your texts come slower and slower as their boyfriends show up and they snuggle down in front of Grey’s Anatomy, giggling while eating...
When this time comes, you’ll be tempted to weep and binge eat, overcome by the sudden quiet. DON’T! Before you open that refrigerator door, remember that instead of filling the emptiness growing within you with food, you can do it with alcohol and chocolates!
Pour yourself a drink, sexy. You deserve it. You’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through so much, don’t even think twice about emptying that bottle of wine or the bottle after that or the one after that. There, there!
Talk bout the ultimate step to take: GO OUT!
Change out of the sweatpants, wash and make a beautiful hairstyle, put on something sexy and entirely too small for your body and get out of that wine-bottle-filled apartment!
You’re not going to meet a man to distract you from Mr. Jerkface while hibernating.
While getting ready to go out, remember it’s important to begin rebuilding your confidence by documenting every step of the getting-ready process via taking mirror shots of yourself and planting em on every social-networking platform you belong to.
Don’t forget! Making a duck face is crucial to your recovery.
Trust me, its always a battle of the exes and who survives it!
Show that jerkface the awesomeness that's in you!(he's secretly still going through your tweets and photo album on Facebook)
You’re single now, chica! Single and mingling! You don’t need a man to validate you. Now is the time to let everyone know. You should be given plenty of opportunities while out on the town to boisterously celebrate your singledom. Whether you’re at a concert, comedy show or club, someone will ask the room, “Any single ladies here?” This is your moment.
Celebrate your newfound solitude with the loudest, shrillest “Woo!” you can muster.
While you're out dancing and partying hard, flirt as much as possible to validate you still got it in you!!!